On my pride and joy

Last night my daughter and I were getting ready for a family dinner out. As I was wearing my jewelry, I noticed the bracelet that I have kept for a couple of years now in my jewelry box. It was a smaller version of my favorite piece of jewelry which is the gold bangle from my mom that I wear as often as I can. Now the small version of the bangle came from my aunt whom we all fondly call Mommy Mining. I have been waiting for Tara to be responsible enough to wear the bracelet. Last night I felt like she was ready.

"Tara, I am going to give you something important. This is the bracelet that Mommy Mining gave you. I will let you wear it tonight but you have to care for it and you promise not to remove it." I brought out the bracelet from the box, I was so thrilled about it. I was expecting Tara to be excited too, but instead she just said "Oh, okay."

"It is so pretty Tara, don't you think? And it looks just like mine. We're the same!" I love it when we dress up with the same clothes, and when people say that she looks exactly like me.

She studied the bracelet on her arm and said nothing.

A few minutes later, as I was putting on make up, she came up to me. "Mom, I decided not to wear the bracelet anymore"

"But why? It's so pretty and it's exactly like mine. We're the same diba?'

"But I don't want to be just like you Mom."

"What? But you said that I'm beautiful and gorgeous?!'

"Yes you are beautiful and gorgeous. But I want to be myself". She handed the gold bracelet back to me and left the room.

My mouth fell open..I was literally speechless! My husband who witnessed what happened was laughing.

"Narinig mo yon?!" I said to him in disbelief. "She's four! I did not even know that I wanted to be myself until I was 28!"

Bittersweet. When Tara was three she often said "I want to be just like you Mom". That was just last year! Oh how time flies...my little pumpkin wants to be herself!

Of course I feel proud more than anything else. It will be our greatest happiness for Tara to grow up knowing and loving herself, being true to who she really is. I will never want her to be just like me. I would always want her to be her own person. To explore her talents and strengths, to learn about her weaknesses and strive to overcome them. To discover her own passions and happiness. I would love for her to be herself. I just did not think I would hear those words from her this early.

That night she wore her flower printed blouse that we both love. Inspite of my repeated instruction that she wears her beaded sandals, she still wore her red crocs. I guess she's on her way to discovering herself. My husband and I cannot be more proud.

Tara's drawing

My little girl likes to draw. You can give her some paper and coloring materials and she'll be able to entertain herself for quite some time. She has also started to label her drawings on her own.

Here is a sample which she made last night...

"Ninang Karen, and Mommy, and Tara. We are wearing big earrings and we have flowers on our dresses for loving"...Tara, May 12, 2008

on my parents in law

Let me share a story about my parents in law.

Our Yaya Mila took an emergency leave for two weeks. In that span of time, my parents in law, who are just the kindest in laws one can ever wish for, helped us out in every way possible. They picked up Tara every morning from our house and brought her home to us at night. When they brought her home, Tara had already washed up, brushed her teeth, and was all ready for bed. My mother in law also made sure that she brought packed ulam for me and my husband so we didn't have to cook the following day. She also brought other things for us, like rice, fruits, chicken, vegetables, onion, garlic, cooking oil, etc. so that we would not have to go to the grocery.

One morning, as i was getting ready for work, my in laws arrived at our house quite earlier than usual. My mother in law announced that she was going to get our clothes that needed to be washed because she'll ask her household help to wash them for us. I regularly bring our clothes to the laundry shop except for the delicate ones, like my blouses and my husband's shirts that I prefer to be handwashed. So since Ate Mila was on leave, i knew I had to be the one to wash these. My mother in law was just heaven sent because I really did not know where I'd get the time and energy to be able to wash our clothes. So that morning, I packed our laundry, placed them in their van, and two days after.. our clothes came back, neatly folded, some of them properly pressed and hanged.

This is just one of the many stories I have about how nice they have always been to me. I know it's quite unusual for in law's to be that supportive. So I also try to be a very nice and supportive daughter in law to them. I had, in the past, often been misinterpreted by other family members because of my closeness to them. I know that my intentions of caring too much for them, had been questioned. But the truth is that..they treat me like their own and I'm just very grateful.

My mommy in law, Mommy Lina.
Photo by my husband, Joel.

Goodbye summer

It has started to rain. Summer is officially over. My family did not out on a vacation. I was not even able to enroll Tara in ballet school or reading classes. I did not have the chance to arrange for Tara's summer classes because of Karen's death. Going out on a vacation was also totally out of the question. There was no way for us to be able to enjoy the beach since about five months ago we were in Boracay with Karen.

So we bid goodbye to summer. It was a very sad one for us. We hope though, that the rainy days come with blessings and peace for our family.

Busy busy

I've been very busy learning how blogging works. For a long time I have been contented with posting on my friendster blog if I wanted to write about something. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the blogging world actually existed, and has existed for quite some time now.

It is overwhelming though to learn all those new terms. There is just so much to read about.
I hope I learn everything I need to know about blogging in no time.

Tara's prayer

Tara always prays for her Ninang Karen who passed away last month. While Karen was still alive, Tara would say.."Jesus, please make Ninang Karen well now so she can start drinking coffee again" or "Jesus please make Ninang Karen go home because she has stayed too long in the hospital."

Last night I heard her say a new prayer.."Jesus, please bless my Ninang Karen so that she is enjoying her time in heaven". =)

Weekends without Yaya

My daughter’s Yaya takes every weekend off. She leaves every Saturday afternoon and comes back on Monday mornings. Since I do not have any other help in the house, my weekends are spent being actually hands on to Tara and doing household chores. Weekends can be tiring because they do not give me the chance to actually catch up on sleep or my reading, or anything else I’d like to do for myself. Difficult as it can be, it ironically feels wonderful to have that opportunity to just be a mommy and nothing else. For two days a week, I get to do everything for Tara and with Tara. I get to bathe her, cook for her, play with her, argue with her, scold her and put her to time out if necessary. These are the things I do not get to do much on weekdays, being the working mommy that I am. My weekends remind me of the difficulties and the sheer happiness that only motherhood can bring. And though it’s tiring to spend my supposedly “rest days” having to watch over a four year old, I would never trade them for any other day of the week.